Getting back to life before being sick

I'm trying to get back to my normal life before beging sick. I joined the YMCA yesterday. I had a lot of fun swiming laps back and forth in their large swiming pool. I even bought googles so I can be a professional dog paddler swimmer. lol. Thursday night my cousin Aimee picked me up and we went to a BBQ and swim party which was so much fun. I met a lot of nice people. Next week Aimee and I are going Country dancing which should be fun. I'm just a bit nervous about running into an old flame Travis. I know he goes to the country dancing thing on Wednesday's. But I really can't let me bumping into someone stopping me from having a good time. I'm so excited about getting out more and having fun. Today I hit the golf range at Dobson Ranch. After not golfing for 2 years I was surprised I picked up my swing again so  quickly. I actually did really well with both my driver and wedges. I had a few bad swngs but overall I was impressed. I think i'll be sore tomorrow.

Being sick has really affected my dating life. People in there twenties and thirties don't think that they will ever get this sick. I never knew I would need disability insurance at such a young age or life insurance. We live so carefree when we are young. I try not to tell guys when I'm first talking to them about how sick I've been it turns them away. I also realize that I probably don't want to be with that guy if he's going to judge me for being sick anyways. It's kind of hard when your at a pool party to hide the pain patches on your arms and it's forced me to wear modest swim suits to hide my scares from where my j-tude, g-tube's were and the surgery scare on my stomach. I consider them battle wounds from my illness. I fought to stay alive and I fought to eat once again. I'm so happy to be back to normal some what.

Ryan

I've been talking to this guy Ryan for the past few months. He moved here from California to Mesa about a 6 weeks ago. I'm totally unsure of this guy not in creepy sort of way. Ryan lives good standards he just send mix messages.  I'll explain before he moved here he was practically in love with me. Calling me all the time. He would say nice things to me. Then he moved here and the second i met him in person he brings his friend Jake along. I'm not sure if this was some sort of validation as to whether i'm cute enough for him. After I practically go on a date with his friend, Ryan tells me well I think we should take things slow. Lol. then he tries to kiss me the next day. I was totally confused as to why he told me he wanted to take things slow and then he tried to kiss me. Shortly after that he stop talking to me, deleted me on facebook, deleted my number. I saw him on a dating site recently and said to him can we be friends. he said sure. So lately we have been hanging out again. But I get the feeling that his biggest thing with me is my weight lately. The funny thing is he isn't Mr. Universe if you know what I mean. So how can he judge me for having a few extra lbs. I invited to take him out to dinner just as friends because I was tired of him always wanting to come over to my house and just watch movies. He finally said to me I think I'd rather try a buffett at a Casino but you should pay for yourself and I'll pay for me which is Dutch. When he does come over to my house we usually watch what he wants to watch. He always seems to want to come over or invite me to things at the last minute because he has know one else to hang out with. He called me early this morning around 9:30 am on a Saturday to go to the movies. Probably something he wanted to see once again and I'll probably have to pay for myself once again. Am I the only one seeing a pattern here with Ryan? I just hope I get back down to my ideal weight and look hot again and see what his reaction will be. I've already lost those feelings for Ryan that I had in the begining. I only want to be friends with him.


Ryan called me later yesterday afternoon to come over. When he got to my house he wanted to go to the mall to get his cellphone fixed. When we got to the store the clerk was at lunch Ryan quickly changed his mind about getting his phone fixed. (this was so weird to me) He seemed worried about paying the $5.00 to get it fixed. After we left that store we went to Best Buy where he bought both Batman movies and a soda. He seemed to be in such a bad mood because he hadn't eaten that day. I was thinking to myself you have money to buy Batman movies but not lunch. so weird. I was confused. I don't know why he wanted to hang out if he was going to be such a grump.

Life these past few months

Here's something I forgot to post last year during my hospital visits. After my last post in November I became ill and was hospitilized with a condition called Gastroparisis. Basically it means the muscles in my stomach are paralyzed and do not digest food or even water. Its been a rough road these past 5 months, having two surgeries. I now have a permant feeding tube which splits into my stomach and small intense. Monday April 4 th I had a med port placed in my chest because i no longer have iv access or any veins to access an iv in my arm.

Living with Gastroparesis

I was diagnosed with Gastroparersis in fall of 2009. It's been a real struggle for the past few years; especially that last two. My central line was removed in April 2012 which was a relief because of how many times I was hospitilized with sepses(blood infections). For the past year I had sepses 3 times: once from my pick line, and twice from my power port. The last sepses episode in November 2011 landed me in ICU where they removed the port, and J-tube. The doctors weren't sure if I got the blood infection from one or the other so they removed both. After a few days they took me to intervention radiology where they placed a tack line so I could continue my intervenous feeds with TPN. At the begining of 2012 I started eating solid food and gained 30 lbs with in a month from being intervenous feeds on TPN and eating regular food. The doctor adjusted my calorie intake with the TPN as she tappered me off of it. I think the reason I have recovered so quickly is I went to see a specialist in Atlanta at the Piedmont Hospital Dr. Warring where he advised me about upping my dosage of Domperidone and added an antidepressant which this combination would help sitmulate my stomach muscles. He said the last resort would be to get a stomach pacemaker which they do at the Piedmont Hospital. My only concern is if I had complications from the pacemaker I would have to return to Atlanta and there are no doctors that I'm aware of that do the surgery here in Arizona.

My last an final struggle is getting off the pain medicine. My pain doctor put me on one of the strongest pain medicines in the form of a patch. For the past few months I have been winged off the patch. One of my other doctors suggested that it wasn't a good idea with my condition to put me on a Fentanyl patch and it didn't make sense to him. It has been a difficult road getting off the pain medicine. I have been moody, grumpy, and just not myself. I probably have offended people because its been difficult to control my emotions these past few months. But I have a great doctor that has put me on Clonodine Patch which is now helping combat the with draws and has made me feel normal the past few weeks. I'm much happier with the Clonodine. It's taken several months to get off the pain patch. I'm on my last dosage of pain medicine which will only be a few weeks away from getting off of it complete and in the mean while my doctor will keep me on the Clonodine patch for an extra month until the Fentanyl is completely out of my system. My grandpa uses Clonodine for his heart so there are several usages for this medicine.

I will probably struggle with Gastroparersis the rest of my life. At least once a month I feel sick to my stomach  where I throw up and in pain but my mom is a registered nurse. She gives me a shot of Regalan and Zofran which helps to get my stomach running once again. Regalan has lots of side effects and its not recommended to take for long periods of times. I reserve my usage of Regalan for when I'm feeling really sick to my stomach. I find that if its adminstered either IM (through the muscle) or by IV/central line it works better for me.

Now that I have been feeling better its been a lot of fun getting back to my normal life before getting sick. I really fought to get better but it was a battle these past few years being hospitalized on and off for almost a year and half.